If you carefully observe the relationships of children in the classroom, you will notice an amazing thing. One child, having a noticeable physical disability - for example, stuttering or severe myopia, has an amazing ability - to make him completely insignificant, even invisible to his peers. And another man suffers from utter trivia - red hair or funny konopushki. Why is this happening and can we cultivate self-confidence in our children and the ability to live in harmony with what is considered to be defects?
Not only can, but must. How the further socialization of a child who is different from others develops depends not so much on the environment, but on his parents.
Rule one: the disadvantage itself is not as bad as the attitude towards it. Overweight, glasses with thick lenses, orthopedic shoes and can, and will attract attention. But among children, this interest has no negative meaning. The possibility of abruptly changing the vector of such interest depends only on the attitude of the owner to his own lack. The worst thing is that self-pity and dissatisfaction with one’s appearance and one’s own self are brought up in children only by parents. Fear of the ridicule of other children, bitterness for their child — all these experiences come from the world of adults. So, our task is not to let our fears pass into the world of small people.
Remember that fears live exactly in your head, to let them out (in words, deeds or actions) means to endow them with power.
Rule two: it is important to learn to accept and love yourself.. Children are big intuits, it is impossible to deceive them by pretending to be “their boyfriend” - they recognize someone else’s insincerity instantly. And the first thing they notice in a newcomer is love for themselves and complacency for others. After all, one without the other is simply impossible. No baby is born out of disharmony with itself; this is contrary to nature itself. This balance is disturbed by us, adults, by our attitude. There may be several consequences of not accepting a lack of your child:
- a pity,
- resentment
- shame,
- disappointment.
But each of them affects the personality of the child destructively. Therefore, it only depends on the parents whether the child will be loved, happy and harmonious, or will carry the traces of insult and self-doubt throughout his life. No matter how deeply we conceal our rejection of the shortcomings of our own child, it will continue to control our behavior.
Love your child like this, not in spite of, but with his defect.
Rule Three: Silence leaves room for speculation.. The lack of information heats up a burning interest and provokes. At the same time, children quickly lay down their arms in front of a truthful and comprehensive answer. Therefore, keeping silent, holding a grudge, hearing a teaser about a bespectacled person or a diver is not the best way to join the team. Even worse - to show aggression in response. It is important to teach the child to repel the attacks of the curious with a calm and concise answer: "I wear glasses, because I have poor eyesight."
Respond positively to your child's questions about the reasons for his difference from others. Teach him to give an exhaustive answer to similar questions from peers.
Rule Four: Do not aggravate the problem.. Daughter began to gain weight, while completely unwilling to limit yourself to sweet? It is quite predictable that the first reaction of parents will be criticism. But taste preferences and goals will change with age, those extra pounds will go away, and the complexes will remain forever. Shame, reproach with appearance, and most importantly - to set as an example other children - not only an ineffective, but also a dangerous way.
Just because you seem to be perfect does not mean that your child must strictly meet your high standards.
Trust in your own child is the core that will support him throughout his life. To accept him with all my heart, to love, not regret, talk, not silence, support, not criticize - these simple principles help to achieve the best results.
Text: Vera Guler
