A wedding is one of the most joyful and happy events in the life of people who love each other. That's just the preparation sometimes does not always go well, or does not start at all. One of the main problems is the disagreement of the parents. Judging by a survey on the social network "Vkontakte", it is the mother-in-law who becomes the object of a ban on marriage. And what to do in this case?
Psychologists argue that the problem of parents prohibiting marriage is common. This should be treated easier, but also with caution.
What phrases can you hear?
"She is not your pair!", - one of the most common arguments of mother-in-law, who are sure that the daughter-in-law does not fit her son by social status or some other criterion in her opinion. For example, a girl from a poor family, no higher education, came from a village, already has a child, does not work, etc. There can be many reasons for not giving a blessing. After all, the mother-in-law evaluates all the advantages and disadvantages of the future daughter-in-law.
But, as a rule, it is possible to achieve a certain social status, though it will take a lot of time.
And it’s better to answer provocative questions calmly and not snarl. Even a small lie is allowed. For example, if there is no work, then say that tomorrow is an interview or a vacancy has already been found.
"She is 10 years older than you! This is not love, but a marriage of convenience." Often such an argument is also given. After all, few people want a significant age difference. But love clouds the mind, and it is useless to say anything against the other half. Love for all ages. However, the mother-in-law will be difficult to convince.
There are several examples in show business where someone who is married is someone older than a few years. For example, Maxim and Alla Pugacheva Galkin, Bruce Willis and Emma Hemin, Evgeni Plushenko and Yana Rudkovskaya, Anton Komarov and Anna Sedokova, Dmitry Peskov and Lolita Milyavskaya, Alexander Nesterov and Nona Grishaeva, Igor Makarov and Lera Kudryavtseva. In fact, the list of star couples, where there is a significant age difference, is large. What can we say about ordinary people? Of course, this is also not an argument for the future mother-in-law. But you can try to explain.
"You have not yet built a career, you are not ready for family life." Perhaps the algorithm that she built for herself is important for her mother-in-law: first a school, then an institute, after which she works and goes up the career ladder. And when the son is just a student or just got a well-paid job, the mother doesn’t really want him to immerse himself in family life. But love does not tolerate plans and algorithms. Either there are feelings, or they are not.
A career can be built in the family, especially if the spouse is a wise and understanding woman. It is no coincidence that the English proverb says: "Behind every great man is a great woman." So, in the family one can succeed in all matters and undertakings. The main thing is support, mutual understanding and love. Then all difficulties will be overcome, and the goals set are achieved. Do not forget that it is women who contribute to the success of men.
"As long as you are not able to provide for yourself, what kind of family are you talking about?" The phrase degrading the honor and dignity of a man. Such words cannot be spoken. Thus, the mother shows that her son is not capable of anything. First of all, she humiliates not only her son, but herself as well. After all, his mother-in-law raised him in such a way, according to her, incompetent! Moreover, such phrases negatively affect the psyche of men, which contributes to the onset of depression, disruptions and aggression. So, psychologically pushing your son is not recommended.
And for the future family, in order to prove the seriousness of intentions, it is necessary to show the work visually and start making so much money so that the mother-in-law will have no financial aspects.
"We will not pay for the wedding." Many couples in love end their relationship at this very moment when their parents refuse to financially help in organizing the wedding. On the one hand, parents can be understood. After all, not everyone has good savings. On the other hand, they do not want to help, because the daughter-in-law is not happy.
Here the solution is simple: either a simple unauthorized registration, or save, or take a loan.
"Her character is not sugar, torment." The nature of each person is individual. And it's stupid to blame a person for it. Some people like it, but some don't. Actually, do not live in-law with the chosen one of her son.
It is difficult to give practical advice. In any case, the daughter-in-law should be a little more modest, but at the same time not to give offense. And the future husband is obliged to protect his beloved.
"She's cheating on you." A popular phrase of many mother-in-law, who no longer have arguments against the daughter-in-law. And sometimes there really is evidence: photos, videos or correspondence. In most cases, the mother-in-law herself makes every effort to discredit the honor of the future daughter-in-law. And it sometimes turns out!
In this case, do not arrange a showdown with the mother-in-law. If there is the slightest suspicion that she can do this, it is better to limit communication. But the best option is to try not to cross at all or to go away.
In fact, these are far from all the popular mother-in-law phrases, the purpose of which is to prevent the wedding in any way. It is important here not to respond evil to all negative statements addressed to you. Of course, there are mother-in-law who smile sweetly when they meet and speak out impartially behind their backs. But there are few of them. Still, women tend to express themselves emotionally. So, there is an opportunity to track her attitude to the upcoming wedding.
What if the husband’s parents do not want to go to the wedding?
As a rule, if there are parents who are conservative in their decisions. And if their opinions are not taken into account, then they refuse to go forward. There are many reasons why parents refuse to go to the wedding. In various forums you can find real stories and stories. But it’s unlikely that it will be possible to solve the problem by reading a bunch of stories. We must act!
Consider a few tips that might help change the opinion of her husband’s parents!
1. "Transfer responsibility to the future spouse." In many films, we see how a loving couple tells parents about the decision to legalize relationships at the table and over a cup of tea. Then we see a picture where mom and dad are in shock, look at each other and do not know what to say. In life, everything is a little different. The son says in advance that he wants to get married. If the parents are against the wedding, then they carefully begin to hint that this is not the best solution, and you need to wait. In the worst case, a scandal begins. In this situation, future brides should not meddle in the relationship of mother and son. They must figure it out for themselves. But a loved one needs to be reminded that he is a man, his decision must be respected, regardless of whether he likes it or not. Simply put, a real man confronts a fact. But this is only if the man is financially independent. The future husband should take full responsibility for himself and in no case should be transferred to the woman he loves or his parents.
2. "Bring arguments in your favor." For example, to talk about a healthy lifestyle, the ability to cook well or about the increase in falsity at work. You can praise your loved one. Namely: to say that he has golden hands, children are drawn to him, his neighbors love him. The goal is to try to make the mother-in-law see the sincerity of feelings, love, understanding. It is important for mothers that their children be happy. So worth the effort! She must understand what is better than this wife, her son will not find.
3. "Gifts and praise are the head of everything." It's no secret that women are pleased to accept compliments. And it’s even more pleasant when they praise or give gifts for no reason. But this should be done not a week before the wedding, but from the moment of acquaintance. If the mother-in-law bought a dress or a blouse, then it must be said that the thing is ideal to emphasize the figure. I baked a pie or cake, so I must say that we have not tried such yummy anywhere. Regarding gifts, everything is also simple. Flowers, sweets, gift certificates or just a dish prepared by yourself, will pleasantly please your mother. But it is important not to overdo it and to know the measure in everything.
Of course, if possible, you need to please the husband’s parents. However, if from the first minutes you feel humiliation and suppression of personal qualities in words, then you should stop communicating. Then talk to your loved one and try to solve the problem. But again, in no way can you independently arrange a showdown with his mother.
Parents are still against the wedding: apply to the registry office or leave this family alone?
Most likely, some girls had cases when they stopped fighting for love and abandoned their life partner. After all, parents are against marriage, which means that we should not think about the future. This is a big mistake. In the end, the 21st century is in the yard and everyone chooses his beloved on his own, and not with the help of his parents. Actually, therefore, to get upset and cancel the celebration only because the mother of the future husband does not like such a decision, to cancel the holiday is stupid. Spouses will not live with their mother, but with each other. And create a family for themselves, but not for parents. Therefore, all the exclamations that someone is against you can skip past yourself and do as you want.
No need to force to come to the wedding or blackmail. This is a voluntary matter. And if it so happened that the husband’s parents are against the wedding, and I really want to make a holiday for myself, then there’s one option: enter into a marriage without the participation of parents. Of course, such a decision should be made consciously and after talking with the future spouse. Of course, a wedding without parents will not be perfect, but it's better than swearing, living with the opinions of others and ruining relationships with a loved one. But with all this, parents will remain parents. They can also be understood to some extent.
It is important to determine the future family: what is most important for them. If you listen to everyone and do not have your own opinion, then really, maybe you should postpone the wedding and independent life? And if, after all, there is love between a man and a woman, they will not ask anyone.
No matter how scary it sounds, the problem is that parents are against the wedding of their already adult child, gaining popularity. Almost all forums are written by women who have similar situations. And the meaning of the question is the same, only the wording is different. In general, the answer is actually simple: listen to your heart and it will certainly tell you the right path.
